Monday, December 27, 2010

Taking me back (throwback)

Growth is amazing. When I look at the things I had to go thru to be where I am today, and all the things that I am still going to have to go thru, I am overwhelmed. I started writing as a means of expressing my feelings I couldn't do verbally, release stress, analyzation the strongholds in my life, growth in who I was and initiating change. This was written at a lost part of my life and was the catalyst to identifying a problem in my life and resolving to change it. ENJOY!

I have let too many people come in and out of my life. They have entered my space and invaded my territory. But I play the good host and give them all a welcome present that soon becomes a parting gift. Because as quickly as the enter they leave.

I barely remember their names and vaguely recall their stories. Even some that wanted to stay, I pushed out to make room for the new group of visitors. "Don't take your shoes off, you wont be here that long" is what's written on the door mat. "You will be made to feel like you are invited to stay forever, but you are not. Admission is free and open to whoever shows interest", reads the sign at the entrance.

And everyone through the door comes and leaves with their gift. I have nothing material to offer so I started giving pieces of myself. One piece here, another there; I am spread all over different parts of the country. One person may have my knee on a mantle while the other has my heart thrown under the bed... I have had so many visitors that there is not much of me left and the employees who maintain the house are working for free. I have nothing t give them. They stay because they believe in this house, even more than I do. They know how special it is suppose to be and have hope for it's return to glory.

I am torn apart and spread to thin. Now I have reached a turning point. I am taking what is left of me and going around to everyone who has stepping into my space and taking back what is mine. "You don't deserve it and I need me back!" The house is now closed and my employees will be the new recipients of all of my pieces. Because I know they will stay in the house and put the pieces together the way they should be. I am not giving any more of myself to just anyone who walks through my door, but instead to people who have helped me build the house that it opens into.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Popular Posts