This morning at the gym, this guy had on a shirt that said "Everyday is training day". Even tho it is very likely that it was made in reference to working out, it resonated with me for a whole different reason. Over the last few days, it has been reiterated that goals, progress, success, relationships and anything worth having in life is not a sprint, but more of a marathon. Life is a series of marathons, and everyday, every experience, every hardship and even previous marathons are part of your training. You are constantly preparing yourself to reach the finish line every time! Without this constant relentless training, you will continue to give up before you complete the course. And as of yesterday, that was precisely what I was about to do. Give up!
I was 5 minutes from doing whatever it took to finish the projects that I have already started, then packing my bags and rolling out. Just completely vacate my current life and make a new path in a foreign country (obviously I watched "Eat.Pray. Love" one to many times that day). A mix of fear, frustration and hardships had played a wicked trick on my mind to think that the only way out was to start over instead of pushing thru. It took extensive soul searching, meditation, prayer, conversations and even watching movies (Eat.Pray.Love) to get me to a revelation. But the real break thru came when I was cleaning my house.
I was sitting in my bathroom the previous night soaking my feet. Candles lit, meditation music playing, lights off. I was trying whatever it took to get clarity on my situation. Afterward, I looked up at my tub and thought "this is filthy" and instantly added more stress on my mind. Then as I walked into my cluttered kitchen and went to bed in my messy room, and the stress was compounded. So the following day, when I didn't have the motivation to work, I didn't want to speak to anyone, and I know couldn't be idle; I cleaned. Cleaned my kitchen, washed dishes, cleaned the tub. And in the midst of scrubbing down the walls, it hit me. I knew that messiness and filth in my house adds to my stress, so I had to clean. Because this is my house, no one else is going to take care of it for me. If I want it to be clean, I have to clean it. If I want it to be more comfortable and welcoming, I have to make it that way. I am the steward of this place and I have been slacking on my job. And the same is true for my life. If I want my life to be better, I have to make it that way. I have to be a better steward of my circumstances and work toward the future I want.
The key to all of this is patience. I was going to leave everything behind because I wanted to do more than just design. I want to travel the world, do art for the love and not for the money. What I failed to realize is that was precisely the path that I was on. I am overcoming hurdles from my past to create the very same life that I desire. I have to fight my way back to zero before I can start building again. I am working more now, so that I can have the life I envision in the future. I am not going to be here forever. I am just in the early stages of this marathon and there are no short cuts. If I stay on the path and I keep running, I have to reach the finish line. But I have to keep running! I can't quit. It's all about patience and perseverance.
P.S.- I am unpacking my bags. I am staying!