This was written when I was still in corporate america. I am posting it to remind me of how grateful I should be that I transended from this place and also cuz I am sure some people out there can identify with this. I read it and was like WOW! This was real emotion. This is a stream of consciousness that I typed as I got to work one morning and the frustration was too much for me not to express it in some way. (Edited for adult content)
I am about to f$^*ing scream!
Am I just born to be a rebel, spoiled, impossible to please, lazy or lost? Seriously, what the f@#^ has me in such discontent. Why is it the thought of getting up to drive an hour to this God forsaken hell hole, makes my blood crawl, lips curl, forehead wrinkle, eyes water, hair stand and fist ball up. Why can't I just be content with having a job that pays well and a steady source of income? It will be dumb of me to quit so why can't these f^$#ers just fire me. Please! I suck at this job, and if you know me, I don't suck at anything I do. But I have no desire to be here.
But I find myself in a heated struggle to hold on to what is rightfully mine; something that is innate to my soul; my happiness. I can't continue spending 10-12 hrs of my day unhappy. I could just sit here and shed a tear, but I will not let them have it. They have taken enough out of my body. My time, my energy, my fu&^#ing sanity… Nothing else is available. Not even one single solitary tear.
The more money you make, the harder it is to make ends meet. If that's the case, why am I worried about salary? Hanes t-shirts, chilling with friends, taking the metro, enjoying just being here.... F$&^ the finer things, give me happiness!
I know you have heard this same cry from me for a while. But please believe a plan is in action. But my patience is so thin and my outlook is so jaded. Going from a bad situation to a worse predicament is my fear. But not a fear that is going to overwhelm my discontent. Save me from this SHIT, ANYONE!! Because I don't think I can take much more and I am…. Hold up… these mutha f%^$ers are about to go play golf as I prepare for our meeting… Bulls@*t… I QUIT!
You made it to the 'other side' :)
ReplyDelete-Mashawnda
Damn. I could have written something like that this week. I need a plan. I don't hate my job or the people I work with...it's just that I've been there way too long and it's killing my soul. This isn't life, this isn't living. Thanks for the reminder.
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