Sunday, July 17, 2011

I will never clean my home again! (for the sake of all makind)

So I’ve thought this thru (for like a whole 15 minutes) and I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t make sense for me to clean my home ever again. I’m sure some people may say that hiring a housekeeper to maintain a 700 sqft condo is lazy and ridiculous but hear me out for a second. Give me an objective read on this thought and save your opinions til the end.
Yesterday I met with my financial advisor and it made start looking at things from a more economical point of view. And with very aggressive financial goals for the next month, year and 5 years, I need to rethink my spending and earnings. So as I spend my Sunday cleaning up my war zone of a home, I had this ingenious thought (well it may not be that bright, but I am biased).
I am an entrepreneur. I set my own hours, I work a lot and many times charge my clients on an hourly rate. So very literally, time is money. So I said to myself, “Self”... (sitting in the thinking man pose as if I am finding the solution to world peace) “ Is the hassle of cleaning this wretched mess really worth my time?” So I laid out the facts; I am messy, I am not very good at cleaning, and I don't have much time to do it so I don't do it as often as I should.
So I figure if I make (undisclosed) dollars/ hour and I can pay some one around $10/hours (significantly less than my hourly rate), and I make certain I am doing work will my home is being cleaned..... You see where I am going with this... I am actually getting paid while my house is being cleaned! It will help me be productive because I know I have to work while my place is being cleaned in order to make this rationale work.
Now it’s time to blow you mind with the compound benefits of this idea. A housekeeper will probably clean better (well they damn well better since they are professionals and I suck at it) and faster. So in addition to making money while they clean, I am also gaining time. And that time can be used for down time which I usually have very little of. My girlfriend would really appreciate me taking her out more often and spending quality time. Her happy, means I’m happy! My house keeper will make more money that will make her/his (I am not sexist) family happy. It will allow him/her (still not sexist) and I to put more money into the national economy (taking my girlfriend out on dates, housekeeper buying extra shots at the bar). This will make the U.S. happy and in turn my President happy. So as you see, it is kind of my patriotic duty to never clean my home again! And with the U.S. being the superpower that it is, It’s happiness will filter down thru other countries. And in a way.... (wait for it) I may have just found the solution to world peace. I’d like to see someone dispute that! *drops mic and walks off with the George Jefferson strut*


  1. LOL! Great work, Alex. Great work. My wife feels the same way minus the working while the housekeeper cleans bit.

    You could also consider this approach: hire a housekeeper simply because you choose to. You can also work, take your girlfriend out, etc., simply because you choose to as well. I have a sneaky suspicion that this is where things will go anyway. Have fun!

  2. I am literally LOLing at work reading this and picturing you doing the George Jefferson strut! Thanks for this morning laugh!


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