Thursday, November 4, 2010

My box!

At Birth, Society's gift was four even lines.

Strong, straight, definite lines..

My parents knew how they wanted me to act, speak and grow. They viewed me as the resulting fruit of careful growing, neglecting the fact that nothing in nature can be controlled. They made sure to pass along the apparent results of there constant devotion to my development. I erected a Line in their honor.

You know me from childhood. You make sure to hold me to the same predictability as my younger self. You love the one you knew and want me to stay the same. I erected another line in your honor.

The TV says this, the video says that, the preacher tells me this and that is how I should be. My desires are wrong, my passion is misplaced, and my motivation is ungratefulness. Thank you for teaching me how to be me. I lay a line across the other two I have already erected in your honor.

I see the man I want to be. I know the perception I want to give. I want to work on changing myself to be the ideal man I have in my mind. So I decide to stand on those grounds and lay my last line under my feet, connecting the bottom of my first two lines and enclosing me in a box of direction for my life

Ironically, Now that I have four different directions, I can’t go anywhere. I am trapped in the box, only to pace back and forth until I get held back by someone else’s expectations of me.

Unhappy, I rebel and change my situation. I run full speed into the side of the box, tipping it on to a corner. Content with my individuality, I am not realizing that my movements are now even more restricted in this diamond. All I can do is sit in the bottom corner as all the other space in the box goes wasted. But my new position has me yelling at the top of my lungs “I am different”. The self reflective line has literally tilted up to trap me in an even more narrow scope. Now I am stuck and everyone else’s expectations are unstable and slanted.

Finally I disassemble it. Aligning all the expectation, and believing I can be everything to everyone. So I break apart corner and flatten out the box. Now I am free to run back and forth with no limitations. But how do I transcend. How do I elevate to a higher level or dig deep to find parts of me that I have lost. The long line has now set a definite limit. Making it impossible to be everything to everyone and still evolve as a person

So now I am here with my eraser. I don't mean to be unappreciative of the care of my parents, the guidance of society or the support of my friends, but they are keeping me from being free. I have a pencil with a big eraser, and I am starting with the line of self restriction that I gave to myself. And erasing all the others are a necessity that is soon coming...

Then what will I stand on?

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